Socially Awkward

 And now for some photos of me trying to be fashionable in a cloud of mosquitoes

I'm back in college for my second year, which means I have moved across the country again. There are no words to describe the feeling of starting a new chapter in your life, away from familiarity and comfort. Away from the things that previously held you back, but also the things that kept you going strong. Everything is new, everything is a readjustment. But woah, it is so good in the end. College is amazing, a collection of individuals that made a long list of choices that led them there. So many differences and similarities, so many opportunities to learn about the history of each person. The way their life has curved and buckled into the circumstances they are now in, along with you. But a lot of it becomes the acceptance of individuals without hearing their story, a wordless agreement to not be interested in the past but continue to interact because of the mutual circumstances being thrust upon us. 

Yes, I'm talking about awkward and shallow interactions. When you go to school with any number of people, guaranteed you cannot be best friends with all of them. You can't have sleepovers every night until you die. But because of social constructs and unspoken rules, you are literally programmed to acknowledge all of these humans anyway. You must. You see them with your eyeballs, and something occurs in your mind to follow the script of society and do your diligence towards them. It's so exhausting to have to complete the task of "hi how are you good how are you good okay bye" every time, when really, it doesn't quench the thirst for relationship that all of mankind has. This interaction doesn't work. I guess all of our best friends began with this awkward shallow script at one time, which is an interesting concept, but I am more referring to the individuals I know I will never be best friends with. Yet because of society I am obligated to have interactions with them that mean nothing. 

I am not into superficial friendships, so if I were to have a day that was nothing but these brief interactions, it would stress me out to no end. I'm not sure what the solution is to this, or if it should change at all. But I want to work hard to be a person that holds valuable interactions and connections, ones that are entertaining and purposeful. Interactions that leave you with a different feeling than when you approached that person in the first place. That's the best I can do for now. 

I haven't decided if this dress is okay for me to wear, or not. I feel a bit like an older woman who is trying too hard. The red shoes give it a bit of flavour, though, and I thought without too much jewellery I could try and blend into the crowd. (I'm not very good at that. It's not really on purpose.) 

My darling Christine took these photos, and I would just like to shoutout to her prowess. Slay!!! 
//Dress: Thrifted//Belt: Thrifted//Shoes: Payless//Earrings: stolen from a friend lol i guess thats thrifting//

Some good music if you want to chill, or need to feel things in your heart with an intensely feely feeling. Canyon City is a band that used to be Silver Trees, (aka author of the insanely beautiful works of Close Your Eyes and Paper Hearts) but has now blessed us with an EP called Refuge with the name Canyon City. His work is inspiring and I hope you enjoy this as much as I do :) 

P.S. You can download the whole EP on Noisetrade!  

Love, Natasha


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