Libraries and Love

March 17, 2016

Libraries and Love

Hello readers:

I rarely do anything different with my hair, but when I do, it rarely turns out the way I wanted it to. This style took less work than I thought, though, so it might be recurring in the future.

There's some things in life that are complex and take a long time to understand. Often we consider ourselves having grasped a particular topic or concept, only to realize our folly the next time we find ourselves in a situation. We've got it all figured out! nope.

That's what dating is like. Having a totally wonderful evening of laughter and romance, thinking that you've reached it! You're on top of the world! And then something happens, like he forgets your birthday or you say something that rubs him the wrong way. And it gets tough, and you have to work through it. But you get to work through it together.

Jamie is the one of the sweetest men I have ever met. He is quirky and strange, but exciting and friendly and kind too. He has a knack for poetry and making a person feel very special, and loves deeply. But I didn't know the emphasis of any of these things in his character when we started dating. The things I did know about him were that he loved Star Wars and pizza, and he had a great relationship with his brothers. I knew that he was strongly in tune with God's voice and he had an intensely dependent relationship on Him. I was intrigued, so I went for it.

And I'm so glad I did. He took me by the hand and told me that I was a treasure he was determined to protect. I was really scared of getting hurt, and I wasn't convinced we would last through the rest of 2015. But we did, and tomorrow is our 6 month anniversary. I'm not saying we're forever, but he is crazy enough to convince me of anything.

And that's why Jamie continues to surprise me. On days when I think I have him figured out, when I can predict the things he might say, he gives me another reason to wonder if I know anything at all about him. He's smart, and loving in so many ways. He is passionate and feels deeply, but has a tendency to react with emotion instead of logic. Moments spent with him never feel wasted, even if there are other things we should be doing.

I don't usually post about him on here, mostly because no one cares. But he is a big part of my life, one that has simultaneously created and solved a lot of problems for me. He has pushed me to depend on God and talk to Him about everything, and he has taught me about loving other people. Falling for him has been a crazy journey, one that I didn't expect or at all understand. He hasn't been perfect and I have been far from perfect, but somehow it worked out.

One of the biggest ways he has influenced me is my self esteem. He doesn't quite understand the depth of insecurities a girl can have, or why they aren't immediately fixed when someone says "you're beautiful!" But his patience is so encouraging and yes, I see myself differently because of him. I am beginning to appreciate what I call my "fat rolls" and what he calls my "curves."

Don't get me wrong, I think it's totally damaging to tie your self esteem to what a man thinks of you, or what others think of you, or who they say you are. But when someone takes everything you hate about yourself and says "... I love it." it's hard not to try and understand why. Instead of staring at the mirror or staring at these photos I take with a perpective of looking for flaws, I can just look for things I like about myself.

But beauty and outward appearances are not the whole and complete value of a woman, and they should never be considered as such. We are strong and smart and fun and hold intrinsic value, no matter what we look like.

//Skirt: Thrifted//Top: Joe Fresh//Shoes: Walmart//

This is one of my favorite memories of Jamie; we were driving to Winnipeg to have dinner with his family, and when we put on this soundtrack by Adam Young of Owl City, we enjoyed it so much. It's a musical score for the historical event of the moon landing and launch of Apollo 11... according to the imagination of Adam Young :)) you can imagine how much I am excited about this new project of his.

Anyway we both decided this soundtrack was much better suited to a pirate's battle on the high seas, and we described an entire story with a super awesome British queen that totally slayed everyone whilst eating a crumpet. And it felt wonderful with his hand in mine and our imaginations running wild.

So I encourage you to concoct your own tale with this exponentially fantastic score by Adam Young. What things come to mind? I'd like to know.

Thanks, Jamie Martens, for being so wow. I love you.